Dear Senator So-and-So and Representative You-Know-Who:

            We in the Phillips family would like a few billion of our own.  Tom and Annette have both lost some weight over the last few years, so we’re probably not “Too Big to Fail” but we have several virtues in our favor.

            First, Alyssa dances ballet (two dance recitals this year), plays the violin (one recital), and sings in a choir (one more performance).  Besides, as you can see, she is really, really cute. She won an “honorary Oscar” at her birthday party in June. It’s all very exhausting!

            Second, Andrea is a senior in high school and is planning to attend Point Loma Nazarene University next fall (and you know how expensive college can be).  Besides, Andrea has begun driving this year and that can also be expensive.  Perhaps, most importantly, Andrea now has her first boyfriend!  Keeping her beautiful for Bharat (pronounced “brought”) can be very, very expensive. (Tons of mascara).

            Third, Annette is engaged in two noble professions.  She continues to serve as a nurse at White Sands of La Jolla.

In addition, she has led children’s worship at San Diego First Church of the Nazarene for the last year.  She also cares for the family dog, Zeus. Surely, that merits congressional largesse.

            Finally, Tom may not be good for much, but at least he has more hair than his big brother, Jerry.  If you give the family a bail-out, Tom will even “friend” you on www.facebook.com.

            In conclusion, we don’t need a really big bail-out (not the hundreds of billions that the banks got or the tens of billions that the carmakers got).  A mere billion or so will do.

                                                                                                                                          The Phillips Family